As November is National Family Caregivers Month, I wanted to share what it is really like to care for a loved one, not from the viewpoint of a professional, but from the perspective of someone who has lived the life of a family caregiver.
This is part of our family story:
Growing up, our Mum did her best to raise us and take care of our Dad after he had an accident at work, and as children, my siblings and I grew up being caregivers for my Dad and helped where we could. In 2011 our Dad had a heart attack and stroke, which in turn left him with Vascular Dementia. To say this took a toll on our family was an understatement, but I can wholeheartedly say we got through it together and our Dad was extremely grateful for all of us. Dad had not been “in good health” since the accident, which meant for the first 6 months to a year his dementia didn’t present with many physical symptoms different to what he already had, but he was more forgetful. As the years went on, Dad’s dementia worsened and his mobility deteriorated, to the point where he used a wheelchair permanently. Dad did have carers, however, the budget didn’t allow for 24/7 1:1 care and that’s what he needed. As a family, we came together to care for our Dad and provided him with the love and support he needed and deserved, to enable him to live out the rest of his life the best he could.
Caring for our Dad from such young ages was a blessing but it also came with a lot of challenges. It came with a rollercoaster of emotions, from feeling ‘a bit different’ to our friends and wondering why our Dad couldn’t do what the other Dads did, to all the happy times our Dad gave to us growing up because he was a stay-at-home parent. As Dad’s health deteriorated the struggles far outweighed the joys, and I feel guilty for even saying that because Dad was such a happy soul and loved to laugh, but unfortunately, it’s true. We often had days where we would feel a combination of guilt, pride, sadness, relief, frustration, and love all within the same day and no two days were ever the same. When Dad was diagnosed with Dementia, we were all adults who had our own lives, but we put all of that on hold to do what was best for our Dad. There were physical impacts on our bodies as well, because as Dad’s mobility decreased over the years, we had to provide support to assist him with standing, walking, and all other daily activities that we take for granted. One of the hardest things I found was the emotional challenge of grieving for someone you hadn’t lost yet, but you were watching them change daily and become a different person, slowly slipping away.
As family caregivers, there were other things we experienced as well, such as financial strains, mental well-being lows and loneliness.
Despite there being many challenges, there were some incredible rewards to providing care to our Dad. Our bonds grew stronger, and having others tell us how much he talked about his family and how much he loved us made all the hard times melt away. Knowing we were providing him with care, support and compassion was the best feeling in the world, and seeing him smile, laugh and be the cheeky chap he was, was heart-warming.
Caring for a loved one is certainly not easy, but I for one do not regret one second of the time I spent caring for our Dad!
In 2017 we sadly lost our beloved Dad to complications of Dementia.
This is my family’s story and my personal perspective of what it’s like to be a caregiver to a loved one.
